Tuesday, October 5, 2010
18 yrs old, and dating an 18 boy with 2 kids..stressful? yup.
Sometimes I ask myself why I am dating the guy I am dating. If anybody knew how stressful the situations I go through are, they would instantly break it off. But why do I continue to date him? When we were in high school, I always had a crush on him and we finally started dating our senior year. One slight problem. Our sophomore year, he got a girl pregnant and had a new baby girl born at the age of 15. Another problem, the same thing happened two fall seasons later. He got yet another girl pregnant at the age of 17 and now has two baby girls. I don't think anybody realizes how difficult to handle the situations that arise and understands what its like to have to deal with the ex-girlfriends (baby mammas). Sometimes I am really okay with it, and I just look at is as a package deal. But other parts of me are really not okay with it. He really does not take much responsibility in caring for the girls, which at my age seems "right" even though I know it is more than wrong for him not to spend time with his children. I am not sure exactly what to do, now that the kiddos are almost 3 years old and almost 1. We are both head over heels in love, and I have been dealing with this problem for almost a year and a few months now. Is the love and the happiness I get when we are together worth the stress of him already having two children? I don't know. I will never know. We did split up, and a few short months later we could not take being apart anymore. I know we are in love. He means the world to me, but I know I can do better. It is a really difficult situation, but I just learned to take it and deal with it. Is there anyone else who is 18 and is in a situation like this? I need advice from another girl in this same situation. Thank you.
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I am quite old compared to you.
ReplyDeleteSince you ask for advice, let me offer you a few suggestions.
First, you need to stop thinking "this is it."
You are 18. You will probably live until you are 90. So consider this: you have only lived 1/5 of your life. You have a long lifetime to consider.
You also need to think: "I can do anything I set my mind to doing."
Based on your blog, I can tell you are a very intelligent person. You have so much potential.
I suggest you sit down and decide:
. What do I like best in life?
. What do I want to do?
Then, take a month or so to assess what it is you want to do.
Then make a plan.
So let's say, for example, you decide you want to become a Health Professional. (Doctor or Nurse) That is the career that will gain you the most in the next few years. We will be facing a massive medical shortage in the next few years.
Then go on line and find out which schools you can afford or those that offer the most scholarships or "free" education. You can take courses on line and at home. Don't worry about being a stay at home mom. If you are receiving aid, talk to your counselors.
As you are plotting out your future career, you will find that your boyfriend will take a stand. If he truly loves you, he will support your aspirations and your educational needs. IF he is a control freak, then he will become angry and rebel against you. This is truly a key decision point in your life and his reaction will help you decide whether to stay with him or leave him. If he reacts negatively, take this opportunity to LEARN. Leave him if he becomes angry. Stay with him if he supports you. This is a valuable lesson.
Bottom line, you must think about the future of you and your child.
Remember: The world is YOURS. You are the master of your own future.